THE END

Today's is, alas, the final post on this site. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I've enjoyed bring it to you. Thanks for reading.

Megamind

Megamind (2010) – It’s a fun premise, if not an original one, and it’s at its best when sending up Superman directly, but it gets bogged down here and there with childish antics and it doesn’t have enough substance or enough humor, and ultimately, it’s predictable and only passably satisfying (although it certainly makes one think that there would be a lot more promise in a genuinely dark exploration of its themes); why is a terrible dance routine still considered an acceptable ending for a kids’ movie? 6

The Lives of a Bengal Lancer

The Lives of a Bengal Lancer (1935) – It’s not hard to see why this imperialist melodrama was one of Hitler’s favorites, although the story is trite and the dialogue and acting (except for Franchot Tone) are subpar—man, how bad is that snake scene? 5

House of the Long Shadows

House of the Long Shadows (1983) – Desi Jr. is a really weak lead and the film absolutely crawls until the big three—all of whom are excellent—show up; things improve after that, as you’d expect, but it’s too little and too late, and it doesn’t help that the twists range from the completely obvious to the thoroughly silly. 5

Family Plot

Family Plot (1976) – Hitchcock’s final film holds the interest more or less well enough (although it’s rarely better than mildly amusing), but it’s slower than it needs to be, with no real suspense or tension; it’s also marred by some horrendous special effects and a lot of rather silly and convenient plotting. 5

Near Dark

Near Dark (1987) – With terrible dialogue and unbelievable characters, there’s really no one to care about in this sloppy plotted and near-totally uninteresting film, which has a weak-sauce resolution to boot—Paxton and Henriksen can’t come remotely close to redeeming this one. 4

Tower Heist

Tower Heist (2011) – It’s got a good cast, but it’s not funny, it’s lazily plotted, it’s disappointingly far-fetched, and, egregiously, it’s mostly boring. 4

Save the Green Planet!

Save the Green Planet! (2003) – So here’s a film with a pretty bad identity crisis: the goofy tone is all wrong for what it’s trying to do, which is mostly serious and unpleasant exploration of mental illness and torture, and while parts of it resonate, it’s slow, with a lot of silly goings-on, stereotypically dumb cops, convenient plot developments, and a last five minutes that are likely to make you roll your eyes; in short, there’s a compelling movie here trying to get out, but as it is, this is a mess. 4

Birdman

Birdman (2014) – It’s got a great performance by Keaton and some fancy camera work, but this is a pretentious, bitter, misogynistic film with way too high an opinion of itself (it very well might be the try-hardingest movie I’ve ever seen), filled with unlikable characters and on-the-nose bitchfests about Hollywood, and yet for all that it often feels not the least bit genuine. 4