Bad Taste

Bad Taste (1987) – Gratuitous splatter has never been so boring; as with all Peter Jackson’s early films, this one makes you wonder how he went on to do successful pictures. 3

Blood Creek

Blood Creek (2009) – This is an unsuspenseful, poorly-developed, plot hole-ridden Nazi undead film (hey, remember when Joel Schumaker made good movies? yeah, me neither). 4

The House that Dripped Blood

The House that Dripped Blood (1971) – From the unsurprising to the out-and-out predictable to the downright silly, this is a mediocre set of horror shorts. 5

Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes (2009) – The script is clever but shallow; the plot is sinister yet uncompelling and predictable; the score, ambience and leads are great but the special effects and final act are lousy; the film is, in short, entertaining but disposable, although on a second viewing it would certainly fall apart completely because of sheer ludicrousness. 6

Vault of Horror

Vault of Horror (1973) – Here are five of the most generic and obvious horror shorts you’re likely ever to find, told in an unimpressive manner. 5

Zombieland

Zombieland (2009) – It has a number of boring scenes and the entire final act is pretty stupid, but while neither the script nor the dialogue is as clever as the film thinks, the quirky characters make it work. 6

The Rocketeer

The Rocketeer (1991) – It should have gone full pulp/serial mode, but since it didn’t, it’s completely ludicrous; either way, it should have a had a better script and a less bumbling protagonist; the film’s proposed Nazi rocket invasion of the world would have been a lot more interesting. 5

Moon

Moon (2009) – Frustratingly, it tries to be mysterious by deliberately ignoring its most obvious questions (I think they call this “artisiness” now), although this may keep the viewer from realizing how little story there is; while Rockwell does a good job and holds the viewer’s attention (he sometimes sounds like Kermit the Frog, though), the film never manages to be compelling. 6

I’m No Angel

I’m No Angel (1933) – Mae West wrote this film’s poor script, and the whole thing feels gratuitously self-promotional; her sex appeal doesn’t work here like it did in She Done Him Wrong – she’s just trashy. 5

Fiend Without a Face

Fiend Without a Face (1958) – It’s gory for its day, but otherwise it’s just another silly, boring, broad-strokes, anti-nuclear fifties horror film. 5