Dirty Harry

Dirty Harry (1971) – Eastwood answers with a definitive “completely” the question “how badass can you be in a sweater vest?” in what is, beyond its efforts to show us how “cool” Callahan is, a pretty straightforward police detective action film; while the character of Callahan is interesting, the film veers a little too far into vigilante fantasy to take it too seriously. 6

The Cat and the Canary

The Cat and the Canary (1927) – Leni’s Expressionist style lends itself well to creating an ominous horror atmosphere in this undeniably influential film, although its attempts at comic relief are rather broad (Creighton Hale is particularly hammy); Beheim’s score is marginally superior to Stover’s. 7

The Getaway

The Getaway (1972) – While it’s got some nice action (and some truly horrendous mustaches), it doesn’t do much to make its characters sympathetic, it’s got some plot issues, and the last five minutes are a joke; in short, it tries to get by on its high level of visceral energy, and it’s barely enough. 6

Mr. Brooks

Mr. Brooks (2007) – The main story is interesting, but the film is too busy messing around with extensive unnecessary and stupid subplots (we’re supposed to care that millionaire cop Demi Moore is going to lose 5% of her net worth?), and everything gets dumber and more implausible as it goes along. 5

Crack in the World

Crack in the World (1965) – Reasonably, all one can ask is that a film like this be engaging and suspenseful, and this one is, for the most part, and therefore the expected heavy-handed direction and shaky science don’t matter a whole lot; the film’s subplot features a man who is mesmerizingly bad at marriage. 6

The Hit

The Hit (1984) – With strong performances throughout, especially from Stamp, this fairly intelligent and understated film takes a thoughtful look at the emotions evoked by imminent death without ever overdoing it. 7

Horror of Dracula

Horror of Dracula (1958) – The set design here is good, but the film is very weak on atmosphere, and even with the extravagant liberties it takes with the novel, it’s incredibly by-the-numbers; Cushing is a highlight and Lee is fine, although he’s not in it much. 5

The House of the Devil

The House of the Devil (2009) – The obvious story is a mashup of most every other devil movie you’ve ever seen, and the script is pretty poor; while we don’t need more lame 80’s Satan movies any more than we need lame modern ones, a slow builder (not that there’s much building going on here) with a climax this bad is a losing proposition in any era. 4

Troll 2

Troll 2 (1990) – Not only is it completely unrelated to the first one, it doesn’t have any trolls in it; but none of this matters, because with the bad acting, brutal dialogue and saturation of goofiness, it’s amazingly, mesmerizingly, suspensefully bad – pitiable, even (and that’s before it overcomes evil by the power of processed meats). 2

Troll

Troll (1986) – It has its moments as well as some nice little puppets and not one but two Harry Potters; that said, it’s not a good film – it has a hard time balancing its lighter and darker elements (the silly supporting characters don’t help), and the production quality and tone make it feel like a sitcom; the little girl, at least, seems to be having a great time. 5

The Tournament

The Tournament (2009) – It’s a fun idea, and it’s got some very nice action, but the Robert Carlyle priest storyline is dumb – it tries and fails to move the film from the realm of the absurd (there’s no way half these fools are “top assassins”) to the realistic. 6

Cypher

Cypher (2002) – Northam is pretty good in this tightly directed film that is always suspenseful if not always compelling or plausible. 6

Hardwired

Hardwired (2009) – Cuba Gooding, Jr. gets turned into some kind of video game character as he continues his unprecedented slide away from quality filmmaking; the idea’s not terrible, but they went about it all wrong – the setup for the story doesn’t make any sense at all, and it’s a little hard to take seriously; fat Val Kilmer’s horrific hair may come as a surprise after you see the ten-year-old picture of him they used on the DVD cover. 5

Crossroads

Crossroads (1942) – It’s a good but not great mystery that has some solid performances and keeps the suspense throughout, although Powell’s character doesn’t always handle things the best, and the ending is maybe a little too tidy. 6

Afro Samurai: Resurrection

Afro Samurai: Resurrection (2009) – It’s got great animation, but since it brings absolutely nothing new to the table, it seems to feel it has to be more over-the-top than ever; Afro Samurai isn’t the slightest bit sympathetic here, and the film, which is inferior to the original in nearly every way, is slow, tiresome, and predictable to the point of being unentertaining. 5