The Avengers

The Avengers (2012) – While there are certainly some good times to be had here, with an uncompelling villain and a super-thin story, this overlong film is forced to rely way too heavily on the good guys pointlessly fighting amongst themselves, and it frequently manages to be simultaneously loud and dull; man, Cap’s new outfit looks dumb. 6

The Captains

The Captains (2011) – It’s usually interesting, fairly endearing, and occasionally touching, as well as a little self-indulgent and not frequently insightful; of note are Shatner’s ongoing attempts to deal with his own mortality; what on earth is going on with Avery Brooks here – what is he high on? 6

Batman and Robin (1997)

Batman and Robin (1997) – It actually has a fairly good visual style (bat-nipples aside) and a couple of fine scenes with Alfred, but even accepting that it wants to be a cartoon, the film is painfully, irredeemably, unforgivably stupid on too many occasions to number; no matter how you slice it, Clooney was the wrong choice. 4

Batman Forever

Batman Forever (1995) – From the script to the bat-nipples to the giant codpieces to the repetitive score to the action scenes to the style to the tone to the pandering to young kids, this film is a downgrade in every way from its predecessors; the incessant mugging of TLJ and Carrey is horrific – it’s as though somebody told them both they were playing the Joker; in short, it’s watchable, mildly entertaining even, but impossible to take seriously. 5