Thor: The Dark World

Thor: The Dark World (2013) – While it’s got plenty of cool visuals, this sequel is less entertaining and even more forgettable than its bland predecessor; it does a much better job with Loki than the previous films did, but its occasional funny lines are oases in a desert of garbage dialogue; in a nutshell, it’s a generic, dull, meandering CGI-heavy Marvel film: thoroughly watchable, but nigh-impossible to care about in the slightest. 5

Titus

Titus (1999) – It’s pretentious, to be sure, and a tad drawn out, but it’s visually impressive (Taymor pulls off the anachronism surprisingly well), it has outstanding performances throughout, and its revenge hyper-theme is powerful and ever-relevant; beyond the Bard’s less-than-stellar plotting, Taymor makes only a few missteps, and it’s hard to imagine there could be a more worthwhile adaptation of Shakespeare’s most gruesome play. 7

The Punisher (2004)

The Punisher (2004) – It draws heavily from Ennis’s work while taking some readily forgivable liberties with the character (oh my God, he’s in TAMPA, you guys), and with Jane in the lead and a cast of quirky characters, this is a very satisfying revengepunish-em-up—that it gets a little more creative than straightforwardly blowing everyone away just makes it more interesting; while it’s got some rough spots, to date, this is easily the best film we’ve gotten with “Punisher” in the title. 7

Kuroneko

Kuroneko (1968) – There are the obviously breathing “corpses” with terrible makeup and the film’s glacier pace, but Shindo employs a stark, haunting visual style to great effect; however, he’s substantially less interested in character or the plot making sense than in his imagery (excellent as it is) and broad themes. 5  

Nate and Hayes

Nate and Hayes (1983) – I could talk about the by-the-numbers damsel story, about the snappy lines amidst the many clunkers, about the fine scenery and the cheesy action, or about how hard it’s trying to be Indiana Jones, but all you really need to know to make the call on this one is that Tommy Lee Jones is a pirate. 5

All Is Lost

All Is Lost (2013) – By design, it’s as minimalist as they come, and that’s ultimately the problem: in the near-utter absence of character, not even Robert Redford can carry this great load of mundanity far enough to compel the viewer to invest in the proceedings. 5