Gladiator

Gladiator (2000) – It has a fine cast and one of cinema’s all-time great scores, it’s immersive even with a relatively thin storyline (although the script is a tad on-the-nose), and while anachronisms and historical inaccuracies proliferate, it’s an utter spectacle, even despite the fact that Scott’s battle scenes are less impressive than the rest of the film—yes, because of the shaky-cam, but mostly because of the surprisingly dodgy editing. 7

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (2011) – A second preposterous outing with literature’s zaniest kung fu master has good interplay between its notables and a number of good moments, although the nonsense begins to wear thin. 6

12 Years a Slave

12 Years a Slave (2013) – This film, an unflinching look at human cruelty, can be difficult to watch; it’s also one that keeps its characters at arm’s length (the screenplay’s not a high point), but all the great performances—headlined by Ejiofor’s—go a long way toward making up for it, and in trading pacing for an immersive look at period life, McQueen has constructed a visually engrossing film, albeit one that plods at times; in the end, I don’t know that it has much to contribute to its topic beyond its presentation of ghastly images, but given the relative dearth of films on slavery, maybe that’s enough to give it significance. 7

Imaginaerum

Imaginaerum (2012) – This is substantially more than a feature-length Nightwish music video (even if it looks like one)—but maybe that would have been better; the score complements the eponymous album well and the film is visually quite impressive (how about that creepy Deus Ex snowman?), but it’s got a weak script full of dialogue that doesn’t do much of anything; there’s surrealism and symbolism out the yin-yang if you go for that, but while this story is obviously meaningful for Tuomas Holopainen, most anybody else might find it hard to care about what’s happening. 5

The Creation of the Humanoids

The Creation of the Humanoids (1962) – It deals intelligently (if heavy-handedly) with classic sci-fi ideas concerning technology and AI, as well as the relevant social theme of bigotry, but I’ve never seen a film as phenomenally static as this one—with no blocking to speak of and as much as the characters stand still to deliver their horrendously expository dialogue, it’s like watching a radio drama. 5

David and Goliath

David and Goliath (1960) – It takes all manner of copious liberties with the biblical narrative to the extent that it has no real sense of its characters whatsoever; add to this an over-the-top score, a sludgy, stupid script, and plenty of awful dubbing, and you’ve got an all-around terrible film that’s occasionally inadvertently funny but mostly just boring; even phoning it in, Orson Welles is the highlight—either him or the scene where David’s girlfriend gets struck by lightning. 3