Red Cliff (I and II)

Red Cliff (2008) and Red Cliff II (2009) – One film, really – it’s a visually impressive military epic; John Woo gives us the stylized, larger-than-life action shots we expect from him as well as sweeping cinematography appropriate to a scale this grand; tactically, Woo does sacrifice historical accuracy for style, but the story is sound, and the whole thing works; make sure you see the 4+ hour original version. 7 for each.

The Hangover

The Hangover (2009) – It’s juvenile, unpleasant, and not actually very funny; in all, this is one of the most astonishingly overrated movies in recent memory. 4

The Stepfather

The Stepfather (1987) – Terry O’Quinn does a fine job in an otherwise poor slasher. 5

We Are Marshall

We Are Marshall (2006) – Good enough, I guess, but a tragedy this horrific needs a less sappy, more interesting film. 6

Imitation of Life

Imitation of Life (1934) – It’s a charming film led by endearing characters; for all its commentary on racism, it has trouble rising above the racial stereotypes of the day; it also has quite a bit to say about parenting. 7

History of the World: Part I

History of the World: Part I (1981) – It starts out well but fades over the back half, and it relies too heavily on obvious and predictable crude gags. 6

Retrograde

Retrograde (2004) – For a low-budget action movie, you can do a lot worse; the acting is respectable, although the expository dialogue is on the level of a Saturday morning cartoon and the story doesn’t explain anybody’s motivation; its biggest problem, though, is that it’s just boring. 4

Saturday Night Live: The Best of Commercial Parodies

Saturday Night Live: The Best of Commercial Parodies (2006) – Sure, a few of these are exceedingly painful, but at least everything’s short, and it keeps things moving; the Will Ferrell interludes are a huge waste of time, though. 6

The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms

The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (1953) – This is an excruciatingly paced Godzilla progenitor and atomic cautionary tale with lackluster effects for the day. 5