Free Enterprise

Free Enterprise (1998) – Most of the geekery jokes are pretty obvious, and there’s a painful abundance of film references in the overly-contrived dialogue; the highlight of the film is Shatner playing “himself” with surprising depth, but ultimately, there’s not enough going on here of interest. 5

True Grit

True Grit (2010) – The Coens rely on straightforward storytelling and don’t try to get cute for a change, and it’s all to the good; it’s got a nice score with a great use of “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms,” and Hailee Steinfeld is impressive – in all, a solid, entertaining film. 7

XIII: The Conspiracy

XIII: The Conspiracy (2008) – Oh, the dialogue (the script is no world-beater either); if you want an uncompelling movie about an amnesiac super spy/ninja, you should probably go with Bourne. 5

Skyline

Skyline (2010) – It’s got some solid effects, but with a cast of annoying characters and grossly inadequate storytelling, it doesn’t manage to do anything interesting or creative until the last five minutes. 5

The Return of the Living Dead

The Return of the Living Dead (1985) – It’s obviously been quite influential on the genre, as it originates fast zombies and the whole “brains” schtick; it’s also got some good creatures and some nice moments, but I guess when you have a cast of overacted buffoons behaving hysterically you call it a “horror/comedy” – but this one doesn’t succeed as either – it's just a little too dumb. 5

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2010) – Taken for what it is, the film is solid and somewhat charming, although countless changes have been made to the story, small and large, additions and subtractions – much of plot restructuring is logical, but most of the changes either do not benefit the story or are to its detriment, and nearly all are annoying to those of us who love the novel; the source material carries it, though, and the unequivocal highlight of the film is Will Poulter as Eustace. 6

The Brave Little Toaster

The Brave Little Toaster (1987) – What a bizarre amalgamation of the usual children’s movie tropes and sad, serious, even grim themes – on the one hand you’ve got all the lame little kid jokes and pop culture references you expect, and on the other you’ve got the creepy suicidal air conditioner and the creepy clown firefighter and the very creepy song where the cars die as they sing; there’s not a lot to the story otherwise, though, and it’s a pretty slow starter; oh, and Tony the Tiger is the vacuum cleaner. 6

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010) – This adaptation is generally fine, although the film was shot overly and pretentiously dark; the problem is that this is the boring half of the worst book in the series, filled with moping, bickering, camping, farting around, and a painful amount of deus ex machina; here it is underscored yet again that the real star of both the films and the novels is Hogwarts. 6

The Illusionist

The Illusionist (2010) – It has the wonderful style, nuance, and visual charm of Chomet’s previous film, The Triplets of Belleville, but its storytelling is bogged down in melancholy; as engrossing an atmosphere as it creates, it leaves the viewer wanting. 6