Charly

Charly (1968) – Decent adaptation of Keyes’ sci-fi short story/novel Flowers for Algernon; well-acted and well-directed, but the last act feels rushed. 6

King of Kong

King of Kong (2007) – Entertaining but partly fictionalized look at competitive gaming and old-school games. 6

Silver Streak

Silver Streak (1976) – Gene Wilder, action hero – that works about as well as you’d think; and how can a movie with Wilder and Richard Pryor be this unfunny? 4

Spaceballs

Spaceballs (1987) – This is an amusing Star Wars parody that has some truly classic moments but more than its fair share of excruciatingly lame ones, too. 6

My Name Is Nobody

My Name Is Nobody (1973) – Spaghetti western with bizarre slapstick elements; the horrendous dubbing makes it feel like an anime at times; see it for the copious slapping and Morricone’s strange but fascinating score. 6

Stir Crazy

Stir Crazy (1980) – So-so comedy feels like a missed opportunity; Sidney Poitier should stick to acting. 6

Superbad

Superbad (2007) – Viler than it is funny by a considerable margin. 4

Tank Girl

Tank Girl (1995) – As unfaithful adaptations of obscure British post-apocalyptic punk comics go, it's not half bad. 6

A Bug’s Life

A Bug’s Life (1998) – A humorous and entertaining film from the good old days when Pixar only made good movies; like Three Amigos meets Seven Samurai, sort of. 7

Lord Mountbatten: The Last Viceroy

Lord Mountbatten: The Last Viceroy (1986) – It has strong characters and drama, and it’s a refreshing change of perspective on Indian independence from Gandhi; there’s no good reason for using this many non-Indian actors. 7

Changeling

Changeling (2008) – Overlong true story of police corruption and serial murder bites off more than it can chew; hampered by characters acting illogically; does this lady not have one photo of her son to show the papers? 6

A Boy and His Dog

A Boy and His Dog (1975) – The educated, articulate, popcorn-loving, grammar-correcting talking dog is great; unfortunately that’s pretty much the only thing this movie has going for it. 6

Cherry 2000

Cherry 2000 (1987) – Quirky but badly written and badly acted post-apocalyptic sci-fi; it has a good score; Laurence Fishburne looks ridiculous (so does most everybody else). 4

Tango & Cash

Tango & Cash (1989) – Only the 1980s could give us a movie this ridiculous; dreadful one-liners abound, but as mindless entertainment goes, it’s decent enough. 5

Quantum of Solace

Quantum of Solace (2008) – This is mindless action hampered by spastic editing, with a thin story even for a Bond film; it fails to engage and retreads many aspects of the superior Licence to Kill; the Craig reboot is 0-for-2 – Bond just isn’t fun anymore. 5

The City of the Dead

The City of the Dead (1960) – A teenybopper fights witches while a young Christopher Lee fights to do an American accent; it takes itself much too seriously; it's also theologically absurd and poor overall. 4

Penelope

Penelope (2006) – A surprisingly mature, intelligent and clever fairy tale with good humor and a perfect cast. 7

The Gorilla

The Gorilla (1939) – Tiresome, illogical and horrendously unfunny from start to finish; clearly an ancestor of Scooby-Doo (but even dumber); nice to see Bela not be the bad guy for once. 3

Titan A.E.

Titan A.E. (2000) – Cheesy with no regard for the laws of physics, it has good animation but an overuse of primitive CGI; it squanders its considerable potential in favor of being Michael Bay for ten year olds. 5

Last Action Hero

Last Action Hero (1993) – This is an outstanding, underrated, very funny send-up of 1980s action movies; yes, the kid is very annoying, but you can’t have everything. 7

Dead Man Walking

Dead Man Walking (1995) – An intricate, intimate look at murder, death, and capital punishment, with a fantastic job by Susan Sarandon and a good cameo by the Gospel. 7

A Scanner Darkly

A Scanner Darkly (2006) – Bunch of Charles Schwab rotoscoped stoners sitting around wasting my time; Dick preaches against drugs but the story goes nowhere. 5

Ikimono no Kiroku

Ikimono no Kiroku (1955) – A good but dated Cold War drama with an unusually ham-fisted ending from Kurosawa – you will believe Mifune is a decrepit old man. 6

RocknRolla

RocknRolla (2008) – Yet another Guy Ritchie gangster/caper film that isn’t nearly as clever or funny as it thinks it is – yawn. 5

Sergeant York

Sergeant York (1941) – A typical sensationally-inflated biopic that doubles as blatant WWII propaganda, plus a terrible interpretation of Matthew 22:21. 5

The Last Winter

The Last Winter (2006) – This is tedious, environmentally preachy arctic horror filled with uninteresting characters; it has a good score but no coherent visual atmosphere, and it’s considerably more silly than scary – watch out for the global warming ghosts! 4

Sphere

Sphere (1998) – A long and unsuspenseful adaptation of one of Crichton’s better books with atrocious dialogue and an egregious plot hole; Liev Schreiber really hams it up. 4

Ukigusa

Ukigusa (1959) – Slow but moderately interesting film with good drama and a remarkable cigarette fixation. 6

Watchmen

Watchmen (2009) – Adequate adaptation stifled by play-by-play faithfulness; fantastic opening credits but some terrible moments elsewhere; fails to balance developing the characters and keeping the plot moving; completely inferior to the brilliant source material. 6

Of Unknown Origin

Of Unknown Origin (1983) – Surprisingly suspenseful, unique thriller. 6

Slumdog Millionaire

Slumdog Millionaire (2008) – Well-made but extremely overrated; the grittiness clashes with the diabetically-sweet fairy-tale story. 6

The Day the Earth Caught Fire

The Day the Earth Caught Fire (1961) – Intelligent, before-its-time character-driven disaster movie. 7

Sword of the Valiant: The Legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight

Sword of the Valiant: The Legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (1984) – Cheesy; more entertaining than it is good; Sean Connery sparkles (literally). 6

The Hunted

The Hunted (1995) – Modern-day ninjas-versus-samurai film; dumb but entertaining. 6

Noah's Ark

Noah’s Ark (1999) – I don't know about you, but Noah's nephew Lot attacking the ark in his pirate ship is my favorite story in the whole Bible; seriously, with no regard for the biblical source material, engaging storytelling, or intelligent goings-on (not to mention the terrible effects), this is one of the worst things ever committed to film. 1

Kelly's Heroes

Kelly's Heroes (1970) – It’s a solid war movie, even if it is the poor man’s Dirty Dozen. 6

Deep Rising

Deep Rising (1998) – Surprisingly entertaining nautical-themed survival horror (an under-represented sub-genre) with a good cast. 6

Armageddon

Armageddon (1998) – It’s got a good story, good characters, bad dialogue, and horrendous science – Michael Bay must think everyone is stupid. 5