Chaw

Chaw (2009) – Fails to generate much suspense; many of the movie’s intense moments are unintentionally comical, and the film absolutely crawls. 4

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (2009) – We’ve been there, done that – but this time, it’s dumber – this one is for three year olds only – dumb three year olds. 3

Kung Fu Dunk

Kung Fu Dunk (2008) – Entertainingly ridiculous. 5

Land of the Lost

Land of the Lost (2009) – Boringly awful – the sweet closing credits are by far the best part of the film; Leonard Nimoy must have needed a bathroom remodel. 3

Ator, the Fighting Eagle

Ator, the Fighting Eagle – Thoroughly atrocious (and bizarrely pro-incest), but too tedious to be unintentionally entertaining – this spawned three sequels how, exactly? 2

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009) – A scattershot adaptation of a slow-paced book that doesn’t translate well to a feature-length running time; some of these kids are getting pretty old; what happened to the magic newspapers? 6

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) – Going full cartoon was the right move, but it’s just a little too dumb; it does a nice job juggling so many characters, though. 5

Johnny Dangerously

Johnny Dangerously (1984) – Mostly cringe-inducing; for what it’s worth, Michael Keaton really looks like John Lithgow here. 4

Bloodsport

Bloodsport (1988) – Putting aside whether any of this is actually true (probably not much), this is a mediocre but kind of fun fighter (the variety of styles is nice, and Bolo is a good villain) hampered by an ill-fitting legal subplot and some iffy direction. 5

Terminator Salvation

Terminator Salvation (2009) – We needed a considerably better and more significant story than this to get any more milk from this old cow; the whole Marcus Wright plot is painfully obvious from the start. 5