Gaslight

Gaslight (1944) – It does a fine job of creating an emotionally smothering, claustrophobic atmosphere, although the entire business is rather apparent from the beginning; one could easily cite a number of plot holes. 6

The Valley of Gwangi

The Valley of Gwangi (1969) – This is a King Kong/Lost World mash-up, only it’s in Mexico; ’twas a feeble dinosaur indeed so easily subdued with lassos and pointy sticks; this film’s only highlight is Harryhausen’s always-superb stop-motion animation. 5

The Deadly Mantis

The Deadly Mantis (1957) – Huzzah for the Ground Observer Corps; otherwise, we’ve been there, done that; the only suspense with B monster movies like this one is how they’ll kill the creature in the last five minutes. 5

Rudy

Rudy (1993) – This heartwarming and inspirational film chronicles Samwise Gamgee’s attempts to make Notre Dame’s football team and get into a game; this is an all-time cheesefest king of contrived and predictable goings-on, and features some astoundingly stilted dialogue. 5

Astropia

Astropia (2007) – It’s a nice idea and a good effort, but the fantasy-world RPG/LARP element doesn’t really work, especially at the end (the film is also not very funny, unless, perhaps, you’re Icelandic); drop the prison storyline, focus on the girl, and you’ve got a significantly better film. 5

Date Night

Date Night (2010) – It doesn’t ever care to be particularly realistic, and it has the occasional false step, but on the whole it’s extremely funny, particularly if you’re married and have kids. 7

Southland Tales

Southland Tales (2006) – I really wanted to like this one, but it’s a big disappointment; it’s got a quality, socially-relevant premise and a solid cast, but without hundreds of pages of evidently-mandatory graphic novel prequel reading (don’t start us on Episode IV, Kelly; this isn’t Star Wars), it’s a scattered mess – Kelly’s ideas are just too broad – develop a book or TV series next time, Kelly, and remember that a puzzle needs to be fun to put together. 5

What Lies Beneath

What Lies Beneath (2000) – It’s well-directed, mostly, and Michelle Pfeiffer does a good job, but man, the script is dumb. 5

The Illustrated Man

The Illustrated Man (1969) – Only half of this Bradbury anthology’s stories are interesting (that’s the director’s fault), although they’re all too long, and they don’t play well together (that’s the writer’s fault); Steiger’s ranting and raving wear thin before the movie’s half over. 5

First Man into Space

First Man into Space (1959) – What begins as though it might become a moderately interesting look at rocketry and the early space program evolves into a slightly thoughtful but very silly monster movie. 5

The International

The International (2009) – Because high-power international banking is above so many of us, and because this film’s villains are largely faceless (although that’s kind of the point), it manages to be insidious without being interesting; it doesn’t help that the entire plot turns on a “how convenient” moment; it’s got a couple of nice real-life set pieces, though. 5

Countdown

Countdown (1968) – It’s a decent, fairly intense Cold War race-to-the-moon film with good performances and an ending that’s a little too Hollywood. 6

The Leech Woman

The Leech Woman (1960) – The lame title is a big spoiler, but this film is well acted, and its personal focus separates it from others of its ilk. 6

The Road

The Road (2009) – It looks pretty good, but whereas the book was, at least, thoughtfully depressing, this is mostly just depressing – it’s got only snatches of the book’s soul. 6

Transsiberian

Transsiberian (2008) – Clueless, boring characters spouting trite dialogue fail to get, never mind hold, the interest, particularly since every problem created in this movie is due to self-inflicted stupidity; Brad Anderson doesn’t seem to have much respect for his audience’s intelligence, either. 3

The New Daughter

The New Daughter (2009) – The awful, horror-hodgepodge, worse-than-amateurish screenplay makes this film unpleasant in an annoying way; hey, at least it’s not Kevin Costner’s fault (although his character is a moron). 4

The Land Unknown

The Land Unknown (1957) – This is little more than a lame Lost World clone. 4

The Monolith Monsters

The Monolith Monsters (1957) – Ah, fifties “science” fiction; it’s got a unique concept and, scientific liberties aside, it’s fairly well done; it seems to beg for a sequel (or at least a massive cleanup operation). 6

The Box

The Box (2009) – Involving and increasingly bizarre, it isn’t about what you think it’s about – suffice it to say that it evolves into a reasonably satisfying but somewhat depressing piece of sci-fi. 6

Monster on the Campus

Monster on the Campus (1958) – Because sometimes only the most ludicrous of the preposterous Wolf Man rip-offs will do. 4

Shutter Island

Shutter Island (2010) – It’s beautifully shot, Leo does a fine job, and the mystery is interesting if not compelling, but no matter your interpretation, it’s a little bit preposterous. 7

The Thirteenth Floor

The Thirteenth Floor (1999) – It takes a few narrative shortcuts and occasionally doesn’t make sense, but it’s always watchable because of the strength of the concept; Vincent D’Onofrio does good work, as always. 6

The Incredible Shrinking Man

The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957) – It has some nice effects, but it’s sometimes hard to take seriously, even as a B-movie, because it takes itself so seriously; only the last act begins to explore the film’s philosophical potential. 6

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009) – It certainly is imaginative, and for that reason it’s always interesting, but the story is an overcrowded mess; among other things, there’s some inscrutable message about choice struggling to get out; Christopher Plummer is great; Tom Waits is, too, but his devil character doesn’t make a lot of sense. 6

Cult of the Cobra

Cult of the Cobra (1955) – The “protagonists” here are mostly culturally-insensitive, sexually-aggressive imperialists – so let ’em die – and meanwhile the evil shapeshifting snake assassin learns to love; but it’s enjoyable in a campy way. 5