The Longshots

The Longshots (2008) – Here’s yet another predictable, clichéd sports movie; this one is sappy, but well-intentioned and watchable; Fred Durst does not impress as a director. 5

The Lion King

The Lion King (1994) – Lacking only a more developed story, the great songs, smart Shakespeare-lite script, and brilliant color palette place this film in the ranks of Disney’s greats (let’s set aside to what extent it rips off Kimba the White Lion); since it came out, Disney hasn’t made a better cartoon. 7

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2011) – Yates creates an excellent visual style and strikes an emotionally weighty balance between action and story; the script smoothes out many of the book’s flaws; except for some bits of cheese in the final act, this is about as good an adaptation as could have been asked for. 7

The Lost Future

The Lost Future (2010) – The post-apocalyptic cavemen and  zombie orc pestilence make for a neat concept that starts well, drags a bit here and there, and ends a little tidily; it’s entertaining enough, though, largely for what it hints at, and most of the acting is decent; as SyFy original movies go, you could do a whole lot worse. 6

Master of the Flying Guillotine

Master of the Flying Guillotine (1976) – This is an absolutely bananas martial arts fantasy with a good variety of weapons and styles ranging from the realistic to the fantastical (including, for example, the inspiration for Street Fighter’s Dhalsim – heck, it’s probably inspired every fighting game ever made to one degree or another); it’s got some great choreography, too, even it if isn’t always well executed. 7

Commando

Commando (1985) – With its many cheesy (yet humorous) one-liners, the absurd villain with the crocheted “chain mail” vest, the astronomical body count, and the near-constant ridiculousness (reloading is for sissies anyhow), this film is at the pinnacle of its ludicrous 80’s genre, but it’s also one of the most purely entertaining action movies ever; it’s got kind of an interesting steel drum score going for it, too. 7

Total Recall

Total Recall (1990) – This is an intelligent piece of multiple-interpretation science fiction with a good script, good pacing, and good action; there’s a little silliness in the last twenty minutes, but it’s nothing unforgivable. 7

House of Traps

House of Traps (1982) – Yes, it’s comic booky and the costumes are ludicrous, but it’s got decent intrigue and some solid kung fu action, and Philip Kwok is the highlight of a host of colorful characters; so…the guards stay in those closets all day, or what? 6

Super 8

Super 8 (2011) – It has Spielberg’s fondness for adolescence and it has some atmosphere, but it has trouble establishing its own identity: it’s derivative of too many other works, Spielberg’s and otherwise; it wants to be Stand by Me and a sci-fi thriller at the same time, but doesn’t manage to be either, and as a result, it’s never very compelling; it’s more interested in exploring emotions than telling a story, and the ending is particularly flat; the train wreck at the beginning is overdone to a Michael Bayan degree. 6