Scaramouche

Scaramouche (1952) – It’s an enjoyable (if melodramatic) swashbuckler, with fine fencing action but a badly handled and ultimately unsatisfying romantic plot and story resolution that’s barely an afterthought. 6

Prince of Darkness

Prince of Darkness (1987) – It’s got another nice synth score from Carpenter, who uses various bugs and an army of possessed hobos led by Alice Cooper to creepy effect, but theologically (and scientifically), it’s terribly silly (new-and-improved liquid Satan is the least of its problems), and it’s one of the countless devil films that makes the Catholics look like complete jackasses – these factors detract from the good atmosphere that Carpenter sacrifices pacing to build; it’s also got inconsequential characters, bad acting, not much payoff, and one of cinema’s all-time bad mustaches. 4

The Amazing Screw-On Head

The Amazing Screw-On Head (2006) – The animation isn’t the best, although it does retain Mignola’s style and tone (as it certainly should); more importantly, though, this is a very faithful adaptation and expansion of the comic, and it’s extremely funny; Emperor Zombie is a brilliant character, and David Hyde Pierce only makes him better. 7

The Colony

The Colony (2013) – With no remotely new ideas, a cast of one-dimensional stock characters, and slow by-the-numbers plotting (never mind that it’s absolutely ludicrous how the parkour zombie cannibals can track the good guys in persistent heavy snow), this is the sort of film that springs, fully-formed, straight from the forehead of Zeus into Walmart’s $5 bin. 4

Gravity

Gravity (2013) – This is an absolutely gorgeous movie (certainly it’s the best-looking space film ever), and one that uses sound (or the lack thereof) brilliantly; it loses some of its focus and gets a little too sentimental toward the end, but it’s nonetheless an immersive and arresting film, and what scientific liberties it takes are easily forgiven; on the whole, this is extremely impressive work from Cuarón. 7

Star Trek into Darkness

Star Trek into Darkness (2013) – In spite of a horrific script filled with illogical plotting, improbable and convenient developments, and happenings that make no sense whatsoever, and in spite of the fact that it turns Kirk into a thoroughly terrible, incompetent captain, this film is perfectly serviceable as a mindless, explody action film – at least until the final act, anyway, at which point it becomes a rather embarrassing parody. 4