My Little Chickadee

My Little Chickadee (1940) – If you’re looking for a movie based entirely on one-liners and double entendres, you’ve come to the right place: its famous banter is pretty good—unfortunately, the rest of the movie is extremely (almost painfully) dumb; West—who turns in quite the self-aggrandizing script—isn’t here for her acting, but she’s still effective—she and Fields do their best to carry the film by the sheer force of their characterizations, and from a watchability standpoint, they largely succeed. 5

The Rover

The Rover (2014) – It does “spartan” and “bleak” very well, but the pacing is bad and what little plotting there is is sloppy (the truck still works? people just leave guns and vehicles lying around everywhere all the time?); likewise, Pearce and Pattinson turn in good performances, but their characters are underdeveloped and there’s never really anybody to root for—in short, the film is unsatisfying; I’m still not sure whether it was post-apoc or just set in Australia. 5

Muppets Most Wanted

Muppets Most Wanted (2014) – It’s perfectly watchable, even if it’s only occasionally funny (mostly when it’s being self-referential); like its predecessor, it lacks sufficient focus on the classic Muppets; but while it’s almost tiresomely predictable and ultimately rather forgettable, I suppose it’s better than no Muppets at all. 6

Gymkata

Gymkata (1985) – Only the ’80s could bring us a premise as ludicrous as a bemulleted gymnast playing The Most Dangerous Game in a country populated by ninjas so he can make a wish for Ronald Reagan, and from the dialogue to the line delivery to the idiotic cartoon bad guys to stuff happening for no reason, the film makes no attempt whatsoever at any facet of plausibility—but while it’s thoroughly terrible, it’s entertainingly terrible all the way (also, Thomas runs just as funny as Steven Seagal does). 4

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) – It’s overlong, but it’s rather satisfying if you’re looking for a mindless, ludicrous, twisty, cartoony blockbuster full of parkour-style gymnastics and people getting kicked in the chest (and just enough character focus to check the box); as many guys as Cap kills, it really makes you wonder why he doesn’t just use a gun (you know, like he did in the first one). 6

Eyes Without a Face

Eyes Without a Face (1960) – On its slow-building way to a predictable but satisfying finale, it may strike the viewer that this film is not terribly unlike so many of the conveniently plotted and frantically scored mad scientist films of its era, although Franju delivers effective horror in the truest sense of the word and the excellent expressionist style gives it some nice polish. 6

The Giant Claw

The Giant Claw (1957) – It’s melodramatic and it takes itself extremely seriously, which wouldn’t be so bad if the creature wasn’t so astoundingly goofy looking; the plotting and storytelling are also weak (what’s up with that irresponsible and bizarre use of the narrator?), and the story turns on science hokum that would be right at home in the worst sort of Star Trek episode. 4

Saving Mr. Banks

Saving Mr. Banks (2013) – It’s highly fictionalized but well-crafted, authentic-feeling, and thoughtful—as well as overlong (mostly with the flashbacks) and prone to sentimental cheese in the final act; Farrell’s performance is a highlight—Thompson is good, too, although her grumpiness wears thin quickly; in any case, there’s little doubt that the real P. L. Travers would have completely loathed this film. 6

Transcendence

Transcendence (2014) – The first hour is a slow, uninvolving, tiresome personal drama, while the second, which features a computer Jesus zombie army cult leader, is short on payoff; in short, the film is a mess: it asks grand questions on classic sci-fi subjects, but it’s not remotely interested in dealing with them thoughtfully; and as silly as this all is, Transcendence absolutely feels like the sort of movie that’s going to age very badly indeed. 4