3,000! That’s an automatic induction into the sanctimonious movie douchebag hall of fame, right?!
The Deal
I've seen over 3,000 movies, TV shows, and short films, and while I seem to be a little harder to impress than most, I don't need a film to tell me something about the world (although it's nice when that happens); it just needs to involve me or entertain me.
Movies are extremely subjective in many ways, and as such, I'm not really trying to do anything more profound than let you know the impressions a movie made on me, and maybe that will help you figure out whether or not you want to see it.
Anyway, you don't want a big, long review—who has time for all that? You just want to know if the movie is good or not before you get it from Netflix. And yes, probably I hate something you dearly love. Sorry. It happens.
Here are my scores, plus some quick reviews, with everything sortable and conveniently linked to IMDB.com.
By and large, we'll steer clear of spoilers, although there may be some vague ones here and there for older films or if I can get a decent joke out of it.
New posts on Tuesdays and Fridays. I try not to miss a day, but if I do, well, you get what you pay for.
Films are scored on a 10-point scale, with 10 being the highest.
Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959) – It’s almost certainly the most poorly-made film of all time; it couldn’t be more incoherent, but it’s a delight to watch for the innumerable errors, horrible acting, awful sets and atrocious dialogue; this is the king of all unintentionally hilarious films. 2
Don’t pass on Plan 9 just because it’s a horrible movie. It’s a wonderful, wonderful horrible movie. Allow me to entice you with the marvelous opening narration:
“Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown. The mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony of the miserable souls who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?”
Don’t pass on Plan 9 just because it’s a horrible movie. It’s a wonderful, wonderful horrible movie. Allow me to entice you with the marvelous opening narration:
ReplyDelete“Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown. The mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony of the miserable souls who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?”